jigsaw

I am at the point of confusion. A point where not even myself could fathom what has been going through my mind. But still the following aligns with self analysis. Narcissism.

I was thinking about Valentines Day and how I hated myself for not being able to attend the MOB. I don't need to reiterate how budget cut sucks. I just felt a genuine sense of disappointment. That fateful Feb.14, I woke up at one in the morning and didn't go back to sleep all through out the day. I had a 7am class. I wore my bright red, plain shirt for the mobilization. I had a major report. I had my final exams in Italian12. I was supposed to attend the rally. But obviously I could not. I was thinking maybe I am really a weakling. For not being able to prioritize the things in my life. And i stayed late that same day for about 10pm for Rep prod rehearsals.

Everytime I go home in Yakal Hotel, I want to smash my red pail. It reminds me of robots. Unfortunately, I am the robot. It's the whole process of taking a bath, arranging my bed and table until it's spic and span, drinking Nescafe ice (current addiction) and 20 minutes later I'm off to dreamland. almost every night, I do this. And in the morning, I wake up and take a bath with my red pail.

There's no text message in my 3310 cellphone. Nothing new.


I love acting. But somehow, I got tired of rehearsing everyday. I adore the limelight and the fact that I would be performing onstage. And it has always been my belief that as long as I love what I am doing, I would endure whatever sacrifices and risks it entails. Sadly, everyday I feel the need to escape. I dream of vacation. I am running away. From the simplest notion of waking up on a Saturday morn with nothing to do up to wild imaginings of Baguio and Venice. I just want to do nothing. Be idle for once.

Professor Carlos Aureus is a very inspiring man.

I never thought I would thirst for so much knowledge. In my entire high school life i was not that exposed to a world that would conjure freedom, knowledge, social events, politics, culture and everything in between. Back then I just know they exist. But now I want them learned and experienced by me before I reach 20. I want to learn. Literally, I thirst for books.

I have always loved foreign languages. especially the romance languages. Especially Italian.


Ma, nganong pobre man ta? (translation: Ma, why are we poor?)I am poor and so is the world. Every night in my orange bed I think about the poor. (Which would also mean I think a lot about myself) Really. My subjects in the university always talks about 16th and 17th century England. The time of Industrial Revolution, Renaissance and unstable government. The time when the people from the countryside rushed to the cities to seek for jobs as the Industrial Revolution arose. Poverty super existed. What I am saying is that our country resembled the 16th and 17th century England.Ha.

I sleep a lot. I sleep during my free time. Like one and a half hours before my classes and before rehearsals.

I am complete with or without you. But having you is a bonus. I heard that somewhere.

Kahit gaano man kalalim o kababaw ang ilog, hanggang sa dibdib pa rin yan ng mga bibe. I read that somewhere. And I laughed. Nonsense.

Coherent?

Canon in D major. =D