Friday, April 07, 2006
Saturday, April 01, 2006
the past week.
finally. im done with my acads. i submitted all my papers. about 20 papers in all.it doesn't matter anymore how i was able to pull through. i had my own share of misfortunes, procrastination and stress. the worst thing was finishing six pages of a mini thesis and it ended up that the computer failed to save the file. it was the worst times since i had no pc much more a laptop. i spent about five hundred bucks finishing my homeworks. it just shows how poverty worsens the poverteee.hehe and a burglar entered our new apartment last friday. two phones and two thousand pesos.
now i am left with organizing the remaining year of my stay in u.p. im supposed to graduate next year but based on my conditions i think ill be staying for one more sem or ummm or i don't know. but i should know. this summer, ill be working again.
i miss mark. i hope he reads this. he seems to have forgotten my existence. im alive. i miss you. and i think you're finally falling out of whatever we have shared. i don't want to type the word hurt. it's an understatement. obviously i have no time for metaphors for what im feeling at this very moment. i feel the avoidance. but i am not ashamed to admit that there was never a time i did not think about you. im sorry since i feel ive caused you pain and disappointment. im always thinking and living the life of the "over thinker". im born to be one. does that mean i was also born to be sad?
it's really true that when you fall for someone you will feel the extremes of pain and happiness. (yes this entry is all about me, mush and cliche but all of my thoughts spring from honest depression) last night, we drank ourselves to sleep, with red horse in hand, we talked and reached the minds, thoughts and principles of marx, engels, happiness, third world, love, personal calling, relationships, colonialism, giberish, cold war...in other words we were having our talks of a lifetime. we assumed the roles of intellectuals slash college girlfriends drowned in depression. we were happy. in my case, that was just for awhile.
the pending question was: why do you love him? answer. i just do. i think its better to rephrase it. why can't you not say that you don't love him? i didn't understand the question.double negations. we argued. we laughed at the corny question. but secretly, i sincerely pondered about the question. i thought about the rational of my feelings. my sadness. my confusion. and it's hard when you are left hanging. in a situation when there is literally no communication. when the situation is designed to look, seem and feel like everything is all right when in fact everything is not all right. good thing i had banuk and the redhorse and my smelly pillow, toto.
banuk told me that it was a choice if i subject myself to pain. that's ssoooo difficult. we proceeded to talk a lot of sense and non sense. intellectual stimulation kuno. posers!
by dawn, i was still wide awake in bed. i turned on my phone radio. jam eighty eight point. three. "feels like home" by chantal kreviazuk was playing... i cried myself to sleep.
now i am left with organizing the remaining year of my stay in u.p. im supposed to graduate next year but based on my conditions i think ill be staying for one more sem or ummm or i don't know. but i should know. this summer, ill be working again.
i miss mark. i hope he reads this. he seems to have forgotten my existence. im alive. i miss you. and i think you're finally falling out of whatever we have shared. i don't want to type the word hurt. it's an understatement. obviously i have no time for metaphors for what im feeling at this very moment. i feel the avoidance. but i am not ashamed to admit that there was never a time i did not think about you. im sorry since i feel ive caused you pain and disappointment. im always thinking and living the life of the "over thinker". im born to be one. does that mean i was also born to be sad?
it's really true that when you fall for someone you will feel the extremes of pain and happiness. (yes this entry is all about me, mush and cliche but all of my thoughts spring from honest depression) last night, we drank ourselves to sleep, with red horse in hand, we talked and reached the minds, thoughts and principles of marx, engels, happiness, third world, love, personal calling, relationships, colonialism, giberish, cold war...in other words we were having our talks of a lifetime. we assumed the roles of intellectuals slash college girlfriends drowned in depression. we were happy. in my case, that was just for awhile.
the pending question was: why do you love him? answer. i just do. i think its better to rephrase it. why can't you not say that you don't love him? i didn't understand the question.double negations. we argued. we laughed at the corny question. but secretly, i sincerely pondered about the question. i thought about the rational of my feelings. my sadness. my confusion. and it's hard when you are left hanging. in a situation when there is literally no communication. when the situation is designed to look, seem and feel like everything is all right when in fact everything is not all right. good thing i had banuk and the redhorse and my smelly pillow, toto.
banuk told me that it was a choice if i subject myself to pain. that's ssoooo difficult. we proceeded to talk a lot of sense and non sense. intellectual stimulation kuno. posers!
by dawn, i was still wide awake in bed. i turned on my phone radio. jam eighty eight point. three. "feels like home" by chantal kreviazuk was playing... i cried myself to sleep.
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