overthinker one

its five in the morning. the hustle bustle of my keyboard knocked my thoughts. i surfed through my blog and realized i've been dong this for almost a year now. im sad because im not proud of anything that's written here. im not proud of my rantings. but this does not mean that i am ashamed of my entries as well because by then it would also mean i am ashamed of my exixtence. partly this is my outlet. this is reflective of my existence. part of it.

i don't mean to be profound about my thoughts. i believe people are born to be profound at one point in their lives, actually in many points of their lives. and this "profoundness" about our existence keeps us sane with all that we go through in this lifetime. see, this is literally and figuratively an example of profundity. fuck it. but i enjoy it most of the time. it makes me feel that i have lived my life thinking and thinking and learning out of that attempted or better yet innate thinking. yes, im still talking about profundity.

at nineteen, i am appalled with the vastness of my life, of other people's lives. i thought of every little thing that my mind permits me to think about. sometimes it gives me headaches. literally. sometimes it gives me heartaches. but most of the time it affects a unique weariness most likely incurable until i am alive. im saying this because i feel im blessed with the right exposure. ive meet a lot of people, a lot of situation, a lot of pain. all of them unexpected, absurd and pensive. i have learned the art of accepting every reality without truth. know what i mean? and i hate myself because of that. my dreams have gone unimaginable heights and pettiness, from pink heels to sincerely aspiring the greater benefit of my people.

see, this is going nowhere. but this is really something ive thought of each and every morning before i go to sleep. this is a journey.

once and for all id say i am beautiful. because i have learned. it feels good to be beautiful in this lifetime.