I'm back to school. I'm not sure which emotion is stronger: happy, giddy or giddy, worried. But let's not start the semester on a sad note. The reason why I wrote this is because I want to somehow clear the clutter in my mind. Since the idea of going back to school drew nearer and nearer (until I pay my fees) and is really now staring right in front of my face, I wanted so desperately to finalize what I should be writing for my thesis. What topic should I spend my sleepless nights with, drink my coffee with, pour my heart out, cry myself to sleep... okay that's too dramatic. But I am really confused, scared and challenged. At the back of my mind there's this voice shouting "bring it on", what the heck I am in my sixth year in college and though I don't want to think that I've got nothing to loose still that idea helps. To feel invinsible is my favorite.
Anyway that is just the start of it, you will see that the blaring picture on this post is that of de Beauvoir. Yes that was my topic before I left for LOA. I'm thinking of sticking to that topic since I'm most prepared of it and I'm very much conditioned of writing about the idea of this woman. But (there goes the big But) I have not narrowed down the topic. I know I will be writing about her 4 volume autobiography but what about it? What do I want to know, criticize, scrutinize about it? Let us breakdown this big block of an ice idea... Oh God help me, where is thy wisdom?
1. I want to write about women. That is something I'm willing to spend my time with. The negative side of it is that it's way overrated. Not the essence but the business of feminist struggle. But I so want it. It fires my interest. I remember the first lines of de Beauvoir's The Second Sex...
"For a long time I have hesitated to write a book on women. The subject is irritating, especially to women; and it is not new." (Introduction) xv.
That is exactly how I feel about it. Too much is too much. What else is there to say? I cannot even write impeccably in straight English much more create a critique of de Beauvoir's life. And my god almighty I can just imagine how many scholars have already written their piece about the life of this woman. She is The Simone de Beauvoir. It seems like I am writing a critique of Shakespeare and looked like a final paper for some English subject. huhuhu. I think I am substituting the idea of learning as I write my thesis to the grand idea of gaining expertise in feminism. Hay out of nowhere I remember who influenced me to be this way in the first place. No other than the great Odine de Guzman. She just does not know the impact she has on me.
2. I have a thing for autobiography and biography. I realized this when everytime I buy a book it's more important for me to read the author's life rather than the work. I make it a point to know how, where and what happened to the author. I am more interested in the lives of people. This goes to say I am a big gossip. haha. Thus it affirms my decision to write about de Beauvoir's autobiography. Unfortunately I have only finished reading the first book out of 4, I am starting to read the second one and I badly need time and space.
3. It intrigues me why Simone de Beauvoir had such attachment for Jean-Paul Sartre though she was a self confessed independent modern woman. That is the biggest question I have too. And I bet my lungs, eyes and beauty that a whole lot of speculation have already been written about it. Waaaahhhh. What do I have left to speculate?
I want to write about de Beauvoir that's for sure. I must think of other questions. Questions, questions, intelligent questions. I hope some people paging my friends to share something, anything that they may think about this damn woman. I am hopeful that something will come up for sure. I am not talking about an unevolving woman. If there's one thing about her it's the fact that she was not just one sided she was a woman who launched not a thousand but an institute about the history of women. If there really was woman.
I'll keep myself posted. haha.
