huffy

"The important thing is to enjoy your life -- to be happy -- it's all that matters."
-Audrey Hepburn (as she puts it very simply with so much accuracy)

gawd is it really the december wind? i feel so "nustalgic" (with the twist of nose and a full dose of nasal pronunciation) because two thousand six is almost over. almost. what does this imply? : an assessment and a plan. oopps i don't mean to sound so resolutionist haha let's just say i want to lighten up the season with few highlights of this year. good highlights.

i am happier. way happier than before. i lost some relationships, very precious relationships, a scholarship of four years, a passion turned tedious, a work i never thought i'd survive and perhaps a room for romantic love. (im never good at dishonesty by the way)

those are bullets. i don't want to masturbate but this is my blog, what the heck. so far i am one notch higher to decisiveness because i feel more relaxed. Let me define "relax": in the past, i ran so fast and with so much passion i forgot there are "strides" and everything sweet and minute in between. i believe in regrets but not this time. i appreciate what i had before and what i am now. i admit i was never a fan of change nor (more so) monotony, thus i would prefer the former. i am relaxed because i stopped running after myself. i reached a point i forgot i already left behind something very important because of my speed. and that something is what i am trying to restore right now. unfortunately that something is myself. (how corny) but this is true. once i realized i was tired and i am heading nowhere definite in that past race, i decided (take not: decided. huh that's my strange word) to slow down, smell the cucumbers (tal)and sip red tea (wena)and laugh lightly on the side (bij chabe)and smell a bit of those red roses (yikkku). i literally slowed down. i did not stop chasing my dreams though. more like cleaning the haze of the speedy race and dusting my original plans keeping in mind my good and bad insights. ahhhhhh i feel better.

i lost a lot along the way. but you know and i know we and i cant have it all. my deep felt apologies are left unsaid and are waiting patiently for the right time. stop lecturing me when the right time is, all i know is i will not leave this world without asking them. but most importantly i would not leave this world too without thanking the people who genuinely understood. you know who you are and i can't thank you enough. i am not feeling special im just appreciative. i am not an isolated case. i believe in pure feeling and pure intentions although i am a bitch, a gossiper and a stalker. in the end we just have one life after all. as much as i want to eat all the apples i cant. i have to choose the ones i want slowly, properly and happily. happiness lies in moments. moments are fleeting events that's why they are associated with taking one's time, spontaneity and savor. i resolve to increase the number of my moments.

chill: a man in my shoes runs...

love and rubbish

i'm in a mood for you
for running away
stars come down in you
and love...you can't give it away

i distance myself from anything maudlin. but love is maudlin. enemy of all logic and reason. but i cannot say i can define it nor recognize it at this point in time. aside from my indecision, i have this bad habit of distaste (as if i am entitled to it). i easily lose hold of my inner desires or rather my superficial desires. i am prone to overacting. and unfortunately to boredom as well.