lessons at twenty

warning: the next lines are sappy.but go on, once in a while we need and write sappy.

i've been to sadness before.like a child that feels so old walking through a green labyrinth. living in this constricted order i came across a new wave of sadness. i didn't know, though i had an idea, that there are a lot of severe sadness lurking in most places: different faces, different levels of intensity. at twenty and feeling oh so old and yet oh so petty i went through an excruciating meeting and chat and tea with sadness. im not sure though if sadness is a place, a time, a person; all i know is that it does make you feel old, so old.

sadness said the saddest would be an incompetent heart. it's like not feeling enough when we ought to feel otherwise. do you know the word "invincible"? it is its favorite word. in my late teens i learned that nobody can help you at your downest moment but yourself. same goes with nobody can love you genuinely but thyself because everybody and everyone else can only listen so much. nobody would understand that heart but the owner of that freezing heart. it's good to feel invincible. it's very psychological and it makes you realize you don't owe anyone any explanation which goes to say you have no right to live up to their expectation. it's yourself that you are responsible for.

yet this does not make sadness an absolute extremist of individualism. because we share sadness. it is social. and it is even contagious. but like all diseases we are extremely advised not to propagate this desolate state. when i felt alone, i hated the guts of the happy. and in doing so i forgot to live. talk about sweating the small stuff. i always standardize people without knowing i inflicted myself with so much burden atlas would come up and spank me. feeling alone is addictive. it's like a wound. you rinse it with water, dip it with alcohol and rub it gently and then vigorously until you're sure you cant feel the pain no more. but you know it's there: it's staring wildly at you.

*don't sweat the small stuff
*you're skin fits best
*i don't owe people an explanation
*i owe people i left an explanation
*i don't live up to your standards
*as long as it's comfortable it is good to go
*unique is definitive
*people are unpredictable. in life you'll meet not one, not two but
about five hundred. you talk with hem. sometimes you do more than that
and thus still keep abreast with yourself
*yourself is your bestfriend
*yourself is your greatesy enemy
(hmmm, which is heavier: best or great?)
*friends can only be friend so much
*you can ask for forgiveness
*about my chronic disease: indecisiveness:
decide on something. firmly. whether it is wrong or right.
at least when you make the wrong decision you did make one
and will resolve not to do it again.
*there is such a thing as blessing in disguise

i will add other cliches in the near future.

and i guess recently i also learned that bangs are not dead.

restless

this is by complejo from deviant art. it's in my favorites. ilovethis.
how soon is green and red?

movies and "background" ghost in you

recently i watched a series of films from a random selection.

the prestige
as much as i hate to admit this is the best movie of 2006 in my opinion and i am not a movie savvy or anything. nevertheless, i find the story original, not until i heard there was a parallel movie released almost at the same time called The Illusionist, i want to watch that too. Anyway, the originality lies in the rival story of the two magicians, Angier and Alfredo played by two good actors Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale. It tackles not really how extraordinary magicians are but more on the universal theme of human nature. The recurring theme of obsession and selfishness were portrayed marvelously with each step that the magicians took from stealing tricks, destroying wives, physical bodily damage and fatal plots just to make sure the other suffers. Isn't it true that there is this uncanny nature that we hate the guts of people who are happy while we sit in a corner in misery. of course we would want the utopic world where everyone is happy but then we'd prefer that everyone is in misery if we cant all be happy, right? that's what you call selfish and i think it is the currency of the world.

now with regards to the technical aspect of the film, the flashbacks were confusing. but i chose to look at it as a mind boggler. while watching the film it makes us watch out for what is realy the present time, thus making us literally part of the race led by the two protagonists. i would commend the foreshadowing sof the story in tis most witty manner. i especially liked that part with the boy crying over the bird trick because he knew the magicians used two birds not one, he was crying looking for the dead brother of the bird. The mystery of the story unfolded right in front of this foreshadowed scene. there were two not one.



the portrayal of Jackman and Bale were superb. This maybe biased but the stereotyped "charmer" and "talented" exuded in there personas respectively. it was just funny that one friend commented how come the movie's title was not "the transported man" and not the prestige, which in my opinion makes a whole lot of sense. the whole movie had this irritating reiteration of the transported man as the absolute trick the world and magic will ever know. later how whimsical it was that cience was all responsible for this magic. the paradox of science juxtaposed to magic where we are supposed to see the things unexplained by scienc and not made by it. haha. the whole story was like a tapestry where evry detail was unfolded intricately at the right moment creatig=ng a grand picture by the end of the film. although the story was just, i must say in the end. and as a sign of all great movies the only thing i thought of after the credits ran through the theater screen, "i want to watch it agin". if not again and agian. =D

the blood rush and vegetarianism

my apologies to bj and miko. ive been the biggest grumpy. oh no they are not the ones on the picture. lovely pigs from peta's site. poser.

ive been contemplating how to live a better life. but the doing is all the same, stagnant and not coping with the thinking, sigh.

i was jogging, or shall i say walking, last tuesday morning, haha envisioning i was thoreau. finding happiness with the buds, the roots and the soil. waaahhh, how stupid could i get? a universal shift from vavavoom narcissistic and madonna's material girl to the naturalist, nativist, wow welcome to a new theory.

after doing it by myself, come wednesday evening i had wena and toni with me, jogging er walking around UP. but the night prior to that i had another drinking session (a.k.a diversion slash plain waste of money but beer really does it.)with my angelic girls. drink, talk, rubbish, so much for jogging hahaha.

now we went to a vegetarian restau, "latasia", and made acquaintances with its owner due to isabel roces. PETA, People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, was a whole new organizaton introduced to me. Perhaps being a non animal lover i thought the primary reason of most vegetarians is health. not until this Latasia owner, who was very articulate the whole time he was lecturing us about animals and vegetarianism, interrupted our musings of who is the famous vegetarian model. 'Ay si isabel roces ba?", he said and the rest was a long and interesting take on the road to vegetarianism.

now, at the start of the sem, i have a bunch of unhealthy relationships, financial problems, tedious syndrome, work pressure and one more unhelathy: lifestyle. i plan to cut on red meat. sort through broken relationships, thanks to me. and still go on convincing myself that each individual is unique (how cliche it gorgeous) and that all i need is to learn the art of contentment. i doubt if there is such a thing as happiness though i know there is nothing absolute. lets go for contentment in the mean time. and maybe my next posts will be a shift to buddhism. (try not to laugh please), yep il try, this ones the credo of life: TRY. and of course give it your best shot.

as for blood rush, this PMS is doing me no good. as the first sentence goes, georgina and beautiful im really sorry im always grumpy with you guys. hahaha. gay extrovert and introvert am no gay please, if looking for the male genitalia makes me one then ... uhm i wont... umm i still want it. haha. crap.

movies and sembreak

better than beer? umm? movies movies movies...

derailed (2005)
i watched this because of chekwa. i lost track of the suspense because i knew there was a twist. it's like reading the novels of ludlum and grisham (although i dont read them, i had my own share of sheldons way back in high school), detective and morbid. what struck me was that how come most of american films deal with the human psyche. particularly the abnormal, disturbed psychology. these thrillers, such as this movie, are just examples of a disturbing neurosis of blackmail and deceit. yeah for the heck of jennifer aniston's screen presence, every once in a while i think of brad pitt because of her, it's entertaining. there's just one unanswered question of my movie buddy, cee: "how come charles (owen) was able to talk to lucinda (aniston)through the office phone when she was not in fact lucinda harris?" get back to the scene where he first asked out lucinda for lunch or something.

how to make an american quilt (1995)