the picture is googuu

googuu

nasa internet cafe ako ngayon. this is for myself. kasi wala ako sa sarili ngayon. so much is happening around. walang tv sa bahay. may state of national emergency ngayon. sobrang konti ng alam ko. pero natatakot ako.

yang picture sa taas. i saw it from someone's blog. stress reliever. sobrang pissed off ako sa isang taong hindi nagpaparamdamdam this past few days. nakakainis lang talaga.

gusto kong pumunta ng tagaytay kanina kasama si tal. gusto kong umiskapo. may gagawin pa akong costume. bird costume.

minsan nakakahiya aminin na may blog ka. dahil sa mga posts na ganito.

basura.

the picture is googuu.

feels like home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought i'd love anyone so much

-Chantal Kreviazuk-

i had a dream

last last night, he came back. full of candies and a box of chocolate cake. i couldn't believe what i saw. there he was standing in front of me and all i could do was gape and put on my defenses. i know i should not believe him. he left me or rather i left him. we left each other void of sweets.

and now there he was with candies and a box of chocolate cake. i felt warm all over. tears welled up in my eyes. he was supposed to be gone for good. i was bound to live my life anew. my dark days were spent with bluish smiles and gray laughter. at midnight tears run to my ears. i began to find it easier to believe that he was gone since i saw my little eyes.

the candies and the box of chocolate was there tempting me. they reach out to my senses and telling me he was really there. alive and looking into my eyes. i fought inside. silently. i told him i don't need any because i fear they are not really for me. he said i was wrong.

the candies and the box of chocolate cake is for you.

i thanked him. i looked at the box. i looked at it hard enough for me to reminisce the night i saw my little eyes. i tugged at my clothes and held my jacket tightly. it seemed that i hugged myself tightly too.

i looked at his eyes. i looked into them hard enough for me to tug my jacket once again. i need to feel warm. i closed my eyes and searched for the warmth.

the candies and the box of chocolate was in between us.

my eyes closed.

tagaytay blues and grays

tagaytay blues and grays

happiness comes from walking and shivering in tagaytay

scattered and scattered insights from an inspiring prof

everytime i listen to Professor Carlos Aureus i feel renewed. i l never get tired of listening to him as if mesmerized by his shaman ways. it's when you feel demoralized and then you hear him telling you the way you want to hear life. you wonder why am i existing? why am i tired? why do i need to feel my purpose? why am i empty? why am i thirsty of knowing life? understanding people? why do i have a hard time understanding?

i feel like leaving the rest of the world. i feel like living a recluse life. i feel like reading everything there is in print. i thirst. i feel misunderstood. i want the purpose.

He goes on to say how we should be challenged by enlightening ourselves.
"A mountain is a mountain, a river is a river. With zen, a mountain is not a mountain, a river is not a river. when enlightened, a mountain is a mountain, a river is a river."

do we not feel burdened when we start to know reality as it should be and not as we choose it to be? it hits me because i always refuse reality. illusions. the challenge that struck me was how we should strive for greater knowledge even if we know that along side comes sorrow.

i came to the university with my little dreams and a bundle of my courage. i was exposed gradually to the things that meant reality and purpose. i stood abreast with my self and just myself. i strive to transcend my bourgeoise self. it remains a strife. i empathized a lot. i continue to search for love. once in a while i sit down and assess my depression. i rant. emptiness creeps and i strive to empower myself.

It means i am trying to grasp life which i know will remain ungraspable.

Prof Aureus was right that we must avoid the trap of certainty, there is never an absolute situation.

And like all reader oriented theories that underscores the different interpretations of readers, life is truly about trusting thine own self.

to be a bit happy...

Stop thinking about what other people think about you. They don't think about you. They think about themselves morning, noon and night.